Ten Things To Do As A Musician When You Have No Talent

1) Strip on a music show like "Top Of The Pops"
2) Get Stock/Aitken/Waterman to write you a song
3) Get Dave Stewart to produce you
4) Tell everybody that you're going to be bigger than The Beatles
5) Cover a Beatles song like "With A Little Help From My Friends" or "Yesterday"
6) Send an unsolicited demo tape or CD to a major record label and spend the next 6 months waiting by the phone or the Internet for a reply
7) Slag off other artists with infinitely more popularity and/or credibility than you in the press
8) Jump on every music bandwagon going in order to be 'hip'
9) Give up drugs and smoke banana peel, or drink coca-cola with aspirin to give you some creative buzzes
10) Sample a vocal line by an unphotogenic black female singer in her 60's and make a video with a photogenic black female model who can't sing a note for peanuts